[PhanKhoi]

Time will heal our wounds

Trouble passes. What has caused you to burst into tears today will soon be forgotten; you may remember that you cried but it is unlikely that you will remember what you cried about! As we grow up and go through life, if we remember this we shall often be surprised to find how we lie awake at night brooding something that has happened to upset us during the day, or how we nurse resentment against someone and keep on letting the same thoughts run through our minds about how we are going to have our own back against the person who has harmed us. We may fall into a rage over something and later wonder what it was we were so angry about. And being surprised, we can realise what a waste of time and energy it has all been, and how we have deliberately gone on being unhappy when we could have stopped it and started to think about something else.

Whatever our troubles, however grievous they may appear, time will heal our wounds. But surely there must be something we can do to prevent ourselves from being hurt in the first place. Why should we allow people and troubles to drain our energy and make us unhappy? The answer is, of course, that they do not, it is we who make ourselves unhappy.

You may have had some trouble in your office or the place where you work but you should not bring or extend such troubles to your home and create a bad atmosphere.

You should realise that there is a cure or an end to those problems and troubles which are to be found by achieving freedom from our selfish desires and by eradicating all forms of confusion and ignorance.

Whenever we fail to find a solution to any problem, we are inclined to find a scapegoat, someone against whom we can vent our grievance. We are not prepared to admit our own shortcomings. We feel it is easier to put the blame on others and to nurture a grievance against someone. In fact, some of us take pleasure in so doing. This is a completely wrong attitude. We must not show resentment or to be angry towards others. We should do our utmost, painstakingly and calmly, to resolve our own problems. We must be prepared to face up to any difficulties that we may encounter.

Happiness and materialism

Many people believe they can solve all their problems if only they have money; but they fail to realise that money itself has its attendant problems. Money alone cannot solve all problems.

Many people never learn this and all their lives they rush about using all their energy trying to collect may more "gadgets", and when they have them they find that these do not satisfy them, but they must have other "things and more gadgets". In fact, the more they have the more they desire to have; so they can never be happy or content.

The following advice gives us tremendous consolation to make up our mind when we lose something:-

Say not that this is yours and that is mine,
Just say, this came to you and that to me,
So we may not regret the fading shine,
Of all the glorious things which ceased to be.

Wealth is not something for you to dump somewhere and to crave for. It is for you to make use of for your welfare as well as others. If you spend your time by only clinging to your property without even fulfilling your obligations towards your country, your people and your religion you may find that when the time comes for you to leave, this world will still be plagued with worries. You will not be benefited with that property which you have so painstakingly collected.

To hope for wealth and gain through gambling is like hoping for shelter from the sun through the clouds, whereas to hope for progress and prosperity through diligence in work is like building a permanent house as a shelter from the sun and rain.

Your property will remain when you die. Your friends and relatives will follow you up to your grave. But only good or bad actions you have done during your life-time will follow you beyond the grave.

Many things that we hope will give us pleasure are disappointing when we get them, like the three wishes in the fairy tale, it sounds nice to have a lot of money but if we get it we may find that it brings us worry in deciding how to use it or how to protect it, or we may be led to act foolishly. The rich man begins to wonder if his friends value him for himself or for his money, and this is another form of mental sorrow. And there is always the fear of losing what we have, whether it be possessions or some beloved person. So when we are honest and look closely at what we call "happiness" we find that it is a kind of mirage in the mind, never fully grasped, never complete, or at the best, accompanied by fear of loss.

Your wealth can decorate only your house but not you. Only your own virtue can decorate you. Your dress can decorate your body but not you. Only your good conduct can decorate you.

The method that people should adopt to gain happiness must be a harmless one. There is no meaning in enjoying happiness by causing suffering to another person or any other living being. Buddha says: Blessed are they who earn their living without harming others.

Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself.

You may not be able to change the world according to your wishes but you may be able to change your heart to find happiness.

It is only when you have suffered through doing good that you can achieve a greater happiness than others.

If we want to find happiness, let us stop thinking about gratitude or ingratitude and give for the inner joy of giving. Ingratitude is natural-like weeds. Gratitude is like a rose. It has to be fed, watered and cultivated and loved and protected. (D. Carnegie).

Control your mind

Man's mind influences his body profoundly. If allowed to function the viciously and entertain unwholesome thoughts, mind can cause disaster, can even kill a being; but it can also cure a sick body. When the mind is concentrated on right thoughts with right effort and understanding the effect it can produce is immense. A mind with pure and wholesome thoughts really does lead to healthy relaxed living.

Buddha says: No enemy can harm one so much as one's own thoughts of craving, thoughts of hate, thoughts of jealousy and so on.

A man who does not know how to adjust his mind according to circumstances would be like a corpse in a coffin.

Turn your mind to yourself, and try to find pleasure within yourself, and you will always find therein an infinite source of pleasure ready for your enjoyment.

It is only when the mind is controlled and is kept to the right road of orderly progress that it becomes useful for its possessor and for society. A disorderly mind is a liability both to its owner and to others. All the havoc wrought in the world is created by men who have not learned the way of mind control, balance and poise.

Calmness is not weakness. A calm attitude at all times shows a man of culture. It is not too hard for man to be calm when things are favourable, but to be composed when things are wrong is hard indeed, and it is this difficult quality that is worth achieving; for by such calm and control he builds up strength of character. It is quite wrong to imagine that they alone are strong and powerful who are noisy, garrulous and fussily busy.

Act Wisely

Man must know how to use his youth, wealth, power, energy and knowledge at the proper time, at the proper place and in the proper way for his own benefit, and for the benefit and welfare of the others as well. If he misuses such privileges, it will only cause his own down-fall. Man must be strong enough to know when he is weak, brave enough to encounter fear, proud and unbending in honest defeat, humble and gently in victory.

Some people through a sudden stroke of fortune receive a large sum of money or are endowed with some property, or they might inherit a large share of the property from their parents. But amongst them only a very few would know how to preserve and maintain such newly acquired property. Normally property that is easily acquired without their own effort and labour, has no real value to them. Therefore they will start to spend the money on unnecessary things and, ve ry soon, the whole property will be squandered. People must know how to handle their property without wasting it, and for that they must use a little bit of their common sense.