[PhanKhoi]

Adjust ourselves

We are living in an ever changing world. But a very few people realise this fact. One should not cling to the traditions, customs, manners, habits and beliefs, introduced by ancient people and ancestors thinking that he should follow all those traditions forever and ever. If he is going to be so narrow minded then there will be no progress in this society of ours. There may be some good customs amongst them which had been handed down by the ancestors; but one must consider whether these customs are congenial to modern society. On the other hand parents and elderly people conflict with their younger generation. They would like to see their children follow the same old customs and traditions. However this is not a very good attitude to adopt. Allow the children to move with the times if it is harmless. Parents only have to remember how their own parents had objected to certain modern ways of living prevalent at the time when they were young. This conflict between the conservative people and the younger generation is not a very healthy attitude towards the progress of society. Of course, if children go astray due to misguidance of modern society then parents should counsel and guide them.

You must learn how to tolerate the ot her man's views and customs even though you do not like them. Here, to tolerate does not mean that you have to follow his ideas and ideals.

Every man is a part of the world of man, and is responsible for what goes on in it. He must be concerned as to whether or not society is becoming more humanised. He must ask what he himself is doing to bring about a better order of things. This is the ethical view by which life takes on a serious aspect is given an incentive. Such a life is the really happy life. Then we become commendably, constructively discontented with the present order of things, and proceed happily to do something about it.

Healthy Atmosphere

However bitter may be the joke and remarks directed at you by others, like a wise man you too must answer them with another joke without an unhealthy atmosphere.

When you play a game don't show your temper if you are losing the game; by doing so you not only spoil the pleasure of others but you will in the end completely lose the game.

You cannot correct each and every person in this world in order to achieve peace in the same way as you cannot remove the world of stones and thorns to walk smoothly. One who wants to walk on smooth ground must wear a pair of shoes. Likewise, one who wants to have a peace of mind, must know how to guard his own senses.

There are various ways to correct a person if he is wrong. By criticising, blaming and shouting at him publicly, you cannot correct him; you must know how to correct him without humiliating him. Many people make more enemies by criticising others. If you can tell him kindly, with the intention of correcting him, he will certainly listen to you and some day he will thank you for your guidance and kindness.

Whenever you express your views regarding certain matters, always try to use words which would not hurt the feelings of others. There are various ways of expressing you views either gently or politely or even diplomatically.

You should not lose your temper when your faults are pointed out. You may think that by showing temper and shouting at others you can suppress or overcome your shortcomings. It is a false and wrong attitude to adopt.

You should not reveal the personal secrets of a former friend which were confided to you even though you are not in good terms with him. If you do so, others will look down upon you and will never accept you as a sincere man.

Be unbiased

You should not come to any hasty decision regarding any matter when you are in a bad mood or when provoked by someone, not even when you are in a good mood influenced by emotion, because at such a time the state of your mind is emotional and any decision or conclusion reached during such a period would be a matter you could one day regret. Allow your mind to calm down first and th ink over it, then your judgement will be an unbiased one.

Cultivate tolerance; for tolerance helps you to avoid hasty judgements, to sympathise with other people's troubles, to avoid captious criticism, to realise that even the finest human being is not infallible; the weakness you find in your neighbours can be found in your own self.

Humility

Humility is the wise man's measuring-rod for learning the difference between what is and what is yet to be. "The Buddha himself started his ministry by discarding all his princely pride in an act of self-humiliation. He attained sainthood during his life, but never lost his naturalness, never assumed superior airs. His dissertations and parable were never pompous. He had time for the most humble of men. He never lost his sense of humour."

Don't waste your time

To waste a man's existence in grieving over the past, and in idleness and heedlessness is to show his unfitness for the noble place he holds thus inviting his bad kamma to relegate him to a place befitting his unworthiness. Bear this strongly in your mind, and do good while life lasts. By wasting your time you injure not only yourself but also others, for your time is as much others' as it is yours.

Patience and tolerance

Be patient with all. Anger leads one through a pathless jungle. While it irritates and annoys others it also hurts oneself, weakens the physical frame and disturbs the mind. A harsh word, like an arrow discharged from a bow, can never be taken back even if you would offer a thousand apologies for it.

Certain creatures cannot see in the day-time whilst some others are blind at night. But a man driven to great heights of hatred does not observe anything, either by day or night.

With whom and with what do you fight when you are angry? You fight with yourself, for you are the worst enemy of yourself. Mind is your best friend and worst foe. You must try to kill the passion of lust, hatred and ignorance that are latent in your mind by means or morality, concentration and wisdom.

Some varieties of heart trouble, rheumatic disorders, and skin diseases are traceable to chronic resentment, hatred and jealously *. Such destructive feelings poison the cockles of the heart. They foster the development of latent disease tendencies and invite disease microbes.

Returning good for evil

If you want to get rid of your enemies y ou should first kill your anger which is the greatest enemy within you.

On the other hand if you are going to be perturbed hearing from your enemies, it means you are fulfilling the wishes of your enemies by unknowingly entering into their trap.

You should not think that you can only learn something from only those who praise and help you and associate with you very closely. There are many things that you could learn from your enemies also; you should not think they are entirely wrong just because they happen to be your enemies. They may also possess certain good qualities.

You won't be able to get rid of your enemies by returning evil for evil. If you do that then you will be inviting only more enemies. The best and the most correct method of overcoming your enemies is* by radiating your kindness towards them. You may think that this is impossible or something nonsensical. But this method is very highly appreciated by every cultured man. When you come to know that there is someone who is very angry with you, you should first try to find out the main cause of that enmity; if it is due to you mistake you should admit it and should not hesitate to apologise to him. If it is due to certain misunderstandings between you both you must have a heart to heart talk with him and try to enlighten him. If it is due to jealousy or some other emotional feeling you must try to radiate your loving kindness towards him so that you will be able to influence him through your mental waves. You may not be able to understand how it works but through the experience of many people it shows that this is the most powerful, intelligent and easiest method which is very highly recommended in the Buddhist religion. Of course, to do this, you must have confidence and patience in yourself. By doing this you will be able to make your enemy understand that he is in the wrong; besides you are also benefited in various ways for not accommodating enmity in your heart.

Loving kindness

As long as there is one single fellow creature whom you can console by kind words, whom you can enliven and cheer by your presence, whom you can relieve by your possessions, however scanty that charity may be, you are a precious possession to the human race and you should never be disheartened or depressed.

There may be times when those whom you love do not seem to care for you and you are apt to feel heavy at heart. But there is no just cause for dejection. What does it matter if other are not grateful to you or do not care for you, as long as you know that you are full of tender heartedness for others, full of loving compassion to your fellow men? One should never depend on others for one's happiness. He who expects to secure satisfaction in life from others is worse than the beggar who kneels and cries for his daily bread.

Drunkenness

Drunkenness expels reason,
Drowns memory,
Defaces the brain,
Diminishes strength,
Inflames the blood,
Causes external and internal incurable wounds.

Is a witch to the body,
A devil to the mind,
A thief to the purse,
The beggar's curse,
The wife's woe,
The children's sorrow,
The picture of a beast,
And self murder,
Who drinks to other's health,
And robs himself of his own.

Its final result can never be anything but utter physical and moral degradation.